the story: [via Saddam's Dreams of the French Riviera at E-nough!]

guess it’s france’s turn to lampoon the US!

article: New Asterix Books pokes fun at US

i think i have games on the mind lately.

vacheland is an online sim game where you can be the king of cows if you can figure out how to raise them correctly. consider it like “the sims” except with cows and without the scent of a farm.

this game comes from the same person who brought you the wildly popular, kochonland, ludovic sarrazin, a french developer based near la rochelle.

i’m wondering if anyone knows why the french decided to call this sandwich, the “sandwich americain”? to me, it’s not very american in nature: baguette, bratwurst-ish kind of sausage, FRENCH (ok. belgian) fries (yes INSIDE the sandwich! ingenious!), a few veggies sparcely scattered throughout. no, i’m not knocking this brilliant concoction because it is really YUMMY. you can usually pick up one of these at a snackfood stand near the beach or sometimes randomly scattered in cities. it beats the new york hotdog, hands down. (sorry new yorkers)

my idea of something that would be called an american sandwich would be: square, clothlike, tasteless wonder bread (you know, the kind of bread that sticks permanently to the roof of your mouth), several slices of bologna (or better yet, SPAM), crackly, watery iceberg lettuce, maybe some slices of beefsteak tomatoes AND for the grande finale: a squiggle or two of CHEESEWHIZ!!!

btw, the latter imaginary sandwich is just a joke, all in plain fun so don’t go getting all medieval on me.

france has one of the worst road safety records in europe, and so, since 2000 has attempted to improve this abysmal rap by severely cracking down on drivers that speed. this includes not only french drivers but also foreigners that may be visiting france. if you get caught driving over the speed limit by 40 kilometers (25 miles) or more per hour, your driver’s license will be confiscated right on the spot! if no other driver is in your car, you have to somehow get to where you’re going on your own. in addition, you may be facing huge fines and police will escort you to a bank so you can extract sums of up to 1,315 euros. you may also face jail time. if your license is confiscated and you’re not from france, you can get it back only upon departing for your own country. this obviously also means that if you’re alone, you cannot drive your car back to your country, which can cost thousands of euros to get your car to your country’s border.

i wonder if people driving these too slowly also get their licenses confiscated…

[via article: RAC Foundation]

yesterday, the cabinet voted in favor of enforcing manufacturers to place “specific wording” on printed ads and broadcast commericials that specify the risks of certain foods – beginning next year. the wording must be approved by the health minister. the list has not yet been determined but will most likely be foods high in fat and sugar.

that is the same as counter-marketing or “un-advertising.”

if they do not comply, they will be obligated to pay a 1.5 percent tax on their media budgets.

COOKIES KILL!

how much you wanna bet companies will pay the tax?

via: articles: As child obesity doubles, France acts against advertisers and French Women DO Get Fat

my teenage nephews (+ their parents) were in paris visiting a couple of months ago so i went up to hang out with them.

“what do you guys want to do?”

“i want to go to the cemetery, pere lachaise,” says my 13-year old nephew.

“ok. any particular reason?”

“jim morrison!!”

“you KNOW jim morrison?” (thinking this is what his parents would want to see)

“THE DOORS! duh.”

i was game (though i’ve been there a few times before) but the plan was immediately nixed by my older sister (his mum). his last attempt, “but mom! CHO…..PIN is there!!” (didn’t work)

no, she probably didn’t want to be reminded of her psychedelic years

oh well, we ended up having fun anyway wandering around and eating a lot.

later, i found a virtual tour of pere lachaise online which is pretty extensive and really impressive. i found jim morrison’s grave on it (as well as a biography in french), but you can see any number of the thousands of famous peoples’ graves including, marcel proust, edith piaf, oscar wilde. of course, the cemetery is best viewed in-person.

the famous grave now, however, is apparently not the original tombstone for jim morrison, and has changed over the last 3 decades. in the early years, it was a small concrete block surrounded by seashells. after a while, they added a bust, which was later stolen! though the bust was recovered, they decided not to put it back. the current tombstone is a plain block with a simple engraving as you can see in the photo. the greek inscription at the bottom was added by his father and translates as, “he created his own demons.”

so many people visit jim morrison’s grave, it is absolutely phenomenal. it is THE most visited grave in all of france! however, what comes with all that traffic are hoards of people drinking, smoking, leaving trash and vandalizing not only morrison’s grave but other graves as well. (i.e., lyrics or “i love you” written in lipstick or scratched into tombstones, graffiti all over the cemetary “jim-this way—>” ) it became such a problem for the cemetery, there is now a fence around his grave and a standing guard watching. there are also cameras strategically placed around the cemetery.

his grave is the only grave at pere lachaise that needs to be cleaned every day; all the flowers and trinkets people leave by day’s end is a staggering amount.

only. jim morrison is allegedly no longer buried at pere lachaise. in 2000, the keyboard player for the doors, ray manzarek, reported that morrison’s casket would be removed from pere lachaise at the request of the french government and taken to los angeles. the 30-year lease was up and i guess the cemetery didn’t want them to renew. so, i guess now in 2005, he’s presumably somewhere in l.a. (this is unconfirmed.) many still speculate that he faked his death and will come back using the name, Mr. Mojo Risin (an anagram for jim morrison)…

“Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.” –jim morrison

(yeah, i could’ve included a more profound quote but i thought this post need some comic relief)

btw, if you go to pere lachaise in paris, wear good walking shoes and get the cemetery map for 2 euros.

and, for your info if interested, i’ve included a short list of books (biographies and works by jim morrison) and a link to check out some CDs by the doors.

BOOKS
Break on Through: The Life and Death of Jim Morrison by James Riordan
Light My Fire: My Life with The Doors by Ray Manzarek
Mr. Mojo Risin’: Jim Morrison, the Last Holy Fool by David Dalton
The Doors: The Complete Illustrated Lyrics by Danny Sugerman

Rimbaud and Jim Morrison: The Rebel as a Poet by Wallace Fowlie

CDs
The Best of the Doors

BOOKS BY JIM MORRISON
Lords and the New Creatures
The American Night
The Lost Writings of Jim Morrison

we just got back from visiting a chocolate (and baked goods and pastry) shop in luzy (in burgundy). nope, these are not “tater tots” though they did immediately catch my eye upon entering and i actually thought they were potatoes. there’s a big sign that says, “pommes de terre nouvelles” (new potatoes). we had to ask about them.

artisan chocolatier: “no, they’re NOT potatoes; did you forget you were in a chocolatier?”

us: “heehee.”

they look so real and savory, the thought of them being chocolate and sweet didn’t immediately sound too appealing but…we, of course, had to get a bag anyway, as well as an apricot tarte, chausson aux pommes (apple pastry) and a chocolate macaron, which is a hamburger-shaped pastry made with airy light “cookies” sandwiching a chocolate ganache filling.

omg they did not disappoint. none of them. not in the slightest. and now, they’re gone.

it was refreshing to see an independent artisan chocolate maker/baker use real ingredients, no filler, no vegetable oil, no additives. we will definitely be back there, since this kind of quality chocolate is getting harder and harder to find.

despite the fact that it’s completely unknown, luzy is worth a visit especially to this chocolatier/patisserie. sample one or more of the many excellent things at “D. Verneuil, Artisan Chocolatier.” luzy is a small village so it should be easy to find. if chocolate is not your thing, try a pastry or get real french bread, made with care and the finest ingredients available.

the plastic bag is seemingly harmless but is one of the most toxic elements on earth. made from petroleum bi-products*, it takes 20 seconds to produce a plastic sack, lasts an average of 20 minutes in the hands of the user, and then takes 400 years to biodegrade. OH IS THAT ALL.

15 billion bags are thrown away each year in france.

in addition to the toxic substances it leaches into the earth, which then poisons the nearby lakes, rivers, then your drinking water – plastic bags are particularly menacing when they “find” their way into the lakes, rivers and oceans. the bags are found INSIDE fish, turtles, dolphins and other wildlife that have accidentally ingested them – which ultimately kills them.

the subject of trash, sadly, is a big problem in france and is now an active topic in the news and in blogs. this is GOOD because france has to do something about it NOW and they are. the french national assembly voted UNANIMOUSLY today to ban all non-biodegradable plastic bags by 2010. all of them!

in burgundy, grocery stores do not even give you plastic bags anymore (you have to bring your own basket or bag), even the large hypermarches like leclerc, auchan and champion. other regions of france still dispense them but will either have to stop, or offer a more environmentally friendly version like the ecolobag, made from a corn-base material and without any chemicals or pollluting substances – and that usually only takes a couple of months to breakdown without adverse effects.

this is excellent news for france!

———————————————–
* oil companies make more profit in plastics than in oil according to a contact who worked for the company, fina, headquartered in (where else but the evil) texas.

if you find yourself bored one day and feel like working your way deep down into the depths of insanity, play BOULANGERIE, the flash game made by some sadistic game developer studying Freud part-time while spending his free hours in the damp basement of his parents’ house creating games based on his last attended university psychology class. (ok, i made that up. i have no idea who wrote this or what that person is like)

back to the game. you’re a cute roly-poly french baker with a big nose, trying to balance your baguette in your hand while attempting to catch croissants on top of it. this is tricky and takes a little getting used to so until then, you may be screaming bloody murder about the game and all those around you might think you are a true hater of french bread and pastries.

it’s monday and time for a picture of lulu in france. this photo was taken in a beautifully groomed garden in Montluçon, which is considered the second town of the region of “Auvergne” (the first being Clermont – Ferrand) right smack in the middle of france. population: 41,357 inhabitants. people seeking more nature-oriented activities and medieval history will find that here, where they can go canoeing, hiking, horse-back riding or leisurely visit museums/castle, and essentially take part in a more mellow kind of traveling experience.

travel a short distance southeast from Montluçon and you will find yourself in vichy, famous for it’s natural springs among other things. go a bit farther south and you will find the largest city in auvergne, clermont-ferrand, and you can find a magnificent view from puy de dome and see the volcanos in the area, if you are so inclined. i honestly didn’t even know that there were any volcanoes in france until i went there.

yes, people! there’s more to life than paris!

an interesting excerpt from an article in the Telegraph:

…Among the statistics contained in “24 Hours in France – An Unusual Portrait of France and the French” is the fact that only one in 10 of the population regularly uses soap, while almost one in 25 admit that they never shower or bath, and one in 33 say they never brush their teeth.

No wonder, perhaps, that nine out of 10 French women and half of all French men apply perfume and cosmetics every day, spending €17·7million (£12·4million) between them. The French do spend long periods in the bathroom: between 48 and 56 minutes each day, according to the figures. Yet much of this is apparently devoted to pursuits other than cleanliness…

Click here to read the full article

hephaestion made a comment in my post about the banned ads in paris and it reminded me of these posters i recently saw. to me, THESE are posters that are extremely offensive and really should be banned. i actually think it is illegal to post ads like this in france, because any religious group considered a “sect” in france, including this alien-loving sect, is not allowed or tolerated. i believe “sect” here is anything outside of the standard “house of god.” a note: the french consider “scientology” another sci-fi loving sect and are wary of practicing stars like tom cruise and john travolta.

these posters were plastered in public for all to see in the town of le creusot, the place that had that creepy carnival. remember, the “carnival” with … NO CARNIVAL!? no FUNNEL CAKES either (actually, there are no funnel cakes in france and that is indeed a crime in itself) or clowns, etc. the more i find out about le creusot, the more i SHUDDER at its endless creepiness (i’ll write about other icky things in le creusot later).

back to the ads. the first photo on the right says, “the message given by the extra terrestrials: science finally will replace religion!” the second one with the man says, “my goal is to brainwash everyone, and now i’m proud to say my samurai coiff is the reason people worship me.”

ok, i lied about the second. it actually says, “where do we come from? what is the goal of life? how can we live in peace and happiness?”

i know! i know! (where do we come from?) we come from little green men with almond eyes! and these guys grow humans in giant flower pods. (or was that in “body snatchers”? no matter) if not that, just answer with something you’ve seen on star trek tng – (what is the goal of life?) manipulate people to give you money so you never have to work. ever. (how can we live in peace and happiness?) tell the world we’ve cloned human babies! uh huh, i’d leave you alone to live in peace and happiness if you told me that.

yes, this is that in(famous) group, the raelians (rhymes with…FREAK!), that claimed they cloned 2 babies but never showed any proof of it. think i’m being too harsh? this group also claims that their “priests” baptize people by putting their hands on the baptizee’s forehead to transfer their genetic information to extraterrrestrials. not only that, but these “ceremonies” MUST take place between 3 and 4pm (someone’s time, i dunno whose) because a spaceship records what is happening at that time.

their leader is french (born in vichy) and previously lived in france – but was harrassed and chased out of france by authorities. he is now living in canada. OH CANADA! but there are raelians all over the world. YEAH, coming soon to, or already in a house near you!

this isn’t from a horror movie with gigantic murderous mushrooms but it IS wild and as huge as it looks on the photo, about 20 centimeters in diameter (nearly 8 inches).

it’s mushroom harvesting season in france at the moment and although much of france suffered from a drought and mushrooms are not as plentiful in those affected areas, our region was spared and we’re fortunate to live in the sud morvan, which is a huge forest area now filled with lots of mushrooms.

we actually thought this mushroom was poisonous, having NO knowledge whatsoever of mushrooms outside the supermarket. thankfully, we have mushroom savvy neighbors – and apparently this mushroom is edible and is from a particularly large variety of c�pes. in the u.s. they’re known as porcini mushrooms.

we now have a big basket of cèpes, rosé mushrooms, and champignons de paris. it’s a good thing we like mushrooms – even lulu!

so the question is: how will i prepare all these mushrooms????!! i do love cooking and could use these by just throwing something together but i’m wondering if any of you have a great FRENCH recipe you’d like to share using any of these mushrooms.

i would be so happy to get first hand recommendations from you – instead of reading a cookbook. i do live in france; don’t you think i should be eating french food (other than from restaurants)?

if you have any favorite french mushroom recipes, i’d love to hear about them.

remember when i was remarking (ok, ok, when i was complaining) about the declining quality of french coffee (among other things)? it has been bugging me ever since – because we have a stock of coffee that sucks and we hate wasting but we can’t drink it. we will have to buy some italian coffee – and i might have to put ours in the garden.

the brand, “grand’mere” used to be a simple but full-flavored, unadulterated french coffee blend. it was like the tasty coffee in the our favorite parisian cafes; it was THE coffee i always waited for with happy anticipation when i traveled to france. to me, it was excellent coffee that was always found anywhere in france. obviously, not anymore.

something weird is happening in france and coffee is part of the strange transformation. some basic investigation revealed that the original owners of grand’mere (and carte noire), jacobs, is ironically, a german company.

in the 70s jacobs (with the dutch company, douwe edgberts) bought the coffee brand, jacques vabre. and now, to me, jacques vabre tastes exactly like the crappy version of grand’mere.

in 1983, jacobs merged with the suisse food group, interfood (suchard and tobler) and called themselves, jacobs suchard. in 1992 kraft joined the group and they were then called KJS (kraft jacobs suchard). in 2001, kraft took over the entire enterprise. the brand KRAFT is an american company, also known as the Altria group, which is the parent company and less offensive way of saying it’s the evil PHILIP MORRIS. (the largest tobacco company in the world).

TO NOTE! the brand, maxwell house, you know, the GARGANTUAN BLUE CAN of SO-CALLED coffee you can buy for $7 in the u.s.? is also owned by philip morris. play with your own conclusions here.

we’re drinking freakin’ maxwell house in france!!!! pffffff. maybe tobacco dust is threwn into the mix.

the whole “french protectionism” chirac is trying to enforce is mind boggling to me because not only is the french government trying to sell 40% of their ferry line’s equity to u.s. investors, but also, an american company owns most of france’s coffee. so the highly publicized protest against pepsico taking over danone is ALSO bizarre because more than 60% of danone’s equity is ALREADY owned by american and british funds.

why do i care? because if i wanted crappy coffee and yogurt, i’d move to the u.s.!

so where will i go when all the world’s coffee tastes like maxwell house? (could be worse, i guess, and taste like starbucks)

whenever i’m in the u.s. or in another country outside of france, i have to search for french pastries. because i miss them. and i want them. and i’m a pig. it’s silly, i know – because other places have their own specialties and desserts but french do pastries the best. seriously, they rule. it’s hard to find good ones that don’t cost like $8 for one freakin’ pastry in large u.s. cities.

did i tell you that a baker comes to our house THREE times a week? try not to be jealous; this is dangerous especially if you love french pastries.

though our baker comes from the banette camp, unfortunately, and we have to go out to find (real) baguettes, his pastries are not too bad. ok, they are pretty good and i HAVE TO EAT THEM REGULARLY.

it makes me wonder if french people outside of france miss them too. or maybe it’s something else they miss, something that is best made in france? ok, so if you’re french living outside of france and find this post, can you let me know – what is it that you miss most from france?

you’d think poop in france is my favorite subject.

IT’S NOT!

no, no, we both know – we shouldn’t be having this conversation…

but it is an issue that does need addressing. And so the city of paris launched their second poop campaign.

when will they have campaigns like this in the REALLY NASTY, TOTALLY GROSS POOP COVERED CITIES OF NICE, CANNES, MARSEILLE ETC???

paris’ poop problem improved since the last campaign, so that’s good. hey, remember when NO ONE picked up poo in paris and you could never enjoy the sights easily, no you couldn’t EVER look up because you were obliged to look at the ground CONSTANTLY so you could dodge and dance over the poop covered sidewalks? now, it’s better and you only need to glance down once in a while.

maybe one day, there will be no more poop on the sidewalks in france…TU REVES!

Related: Dog Poop Bags, Thinking Beyond Number 2

i can say with relative confidence that i’m in the minority when i say i like greve day. “greve” means strike (protest) and today 6 of the major french unions, mostly in transportation (CGT, CFDT, FO, CFTC, CFE-CGC, FSU) decided that october 4 would be THE day. to me, france is not france without these strikes. i’m not saying i am for these unions or like to see people stranded or anything; it’s more of a, “oh, yeah. every year there are strikes in france.” i just have accepted them as being part of french life in september, october or later but never during christmas. greve day is a french tradition.

this transportation strike is particularly debilitating in the cities where trains, metros, buses, airplanes – are just not budging. well, that’s an exaggeration, the lines are running but at a rate that significantly reduced. this means people will be driving but having to dodge protest marches in the streets, causing hard to imagine mega traffic jams, worse than anything resembling traffic in any big city, u.s.a – the french greve day is king; traffic that eclipses all other – yes, even those of l.a., at 5pm when it’s raining and every other mile there’s an accident.

so it makes me smile when they say on the news that certain plane/train/bus/metro schedules will be “perturbés.”

it’s ironic, though, that the strikers are some of the highest paid employees in france (that work the LEAST. anyone read, “bonjour paresse” – (hello, laziness: why hard work doesn’t pay) and that receive the fattest benefits around.

most people simply brace themselves for the day and expect long waiting times to get to work or anywhere else, or plan NOT to go to work if that’s possible. i guess it also “helps” too, that many banks, newspapers, post offices and schools are closed (they’re striking too).

how long will this tradtion last with villepin trying to kick lagging france’s butt in gear, slashing jobs left and right and laying off strikers?

it’s monday (lundi) and that means a lulu picture. this week, she’s in eze, france.

the garden on Eze‘s hilltop village along the riviera is called, “le jardin exotique” but i just call it, “a cactus garden” – however, the garden is incredible especially if you take into consideration the absolutely amazing backdrop it’s set in. it’s so beautiful it’s hard to take in all at once.

if you are lucky enough to take the drive along “la moyenne corniche,” which is one (the best one i think) of the 3 coastal scenic drives on the cote d’azur going from nice to menton, you will happily stop by eze along the way, a medieval fortified village perched prominently atop a rocky peak overlooking the mediterranean.

there’s a lower village in eze and an upper village where you can find the cactus garden, but both are extremely touristy and crowded and hot as hell during summer.

having said that, however, eze is still well worth a visit for the view alone.

some eze trivia:

-alfred hitchcock’s to catch a thief was filmed in monaco – the chase scene was filmed on the moyenne corniche, the same road that later claimed the life of grace kelly. the bridge can be found in eze.

-eze is also known to be home to sunglasses-sporting bono of u2.

it makes sense that france, a country that is unambiguously sensual, hedonistic and known for some of the best cuisine on earth – has a language filled with references to food. i find this adorable and as colorful as the most meticulously prepared tarte aux fruits.

admittedly, i don’t hear these expressions very often in every day life, but i do hear some once in a while (usually met with my “HUH?”) and definitely more on television. some of my favorites:

-c’est pas tes oignons – that’s none of your business – lit: those aren’t your onions

-avoir du pain sur la planche – to be busy with work – lit: to have bread on the board

-etre dans le pâté – to feel groggy – lit: to be in the p�t�

-vouloir le beurre et l’argent du beurre – to want your cake and eat it too – lit: to want the butter and the butter sales

-avoir la banane – to have energy – lit: to have the banana

-c’est du gateau – it’s easy! no prob, like in english, ‘piece of cake’ though, i really like the equivalent expression (though it’s not food related), “doigt dans le nez” – lit: finger in the nose! that makes me laugh.

-tomber dans les pommes – to faint – lit: fall in the apples

-mettre la main à la pâte – to help someone – lit: get your hand in the dough

-bonne poire – someone is too nice – lit: good pear

-ramener ta fraise – know it all – lit: bring back your strawberry

-faire ca pour des prunes – do something for nothing – lit: to do that for plums

-ecrase ta banane – shut up – lit: smush your banana

also, there’s gotta be more expression especially using words like CHEESE or baguette or cream.

do you know of any more?