Following prodigious turmoil and press coverage related to the controversial labor law, the CPE, France is on the move to attract more world attention with this recent protectionist and astonishing declaration.

According to the Standard Guardian Evening Times, the French government, all supported by the French Parliament along with unanimous agreement of the Conseils des ministres and the president himself, Jacques Chirac, a new international law has been imposed by France, a law that impacts all businesses across the globe selling French fries. France claims to own the patent for frites and anyone selling them, whether they call them “freedom fries,” “fried home potatoes” or anything for that matter, if they are fried potatoes of any shape, France owns them. Anyone commercially engaged in its sale, must pay royalties to France.

Thierry Breton, France’s Minister of Finance made this recent statement to the press, “With this new international law, we have the ambition to diminish our deficit in record time.” It is clearly known that France’s deficit is a shameful 1,065,000,000,000 euros*. A later statement by the President revealed him interjecting, “C’est pour l’effort national! (It’s a national effort!),” adding, “The political and economic destiny of France will be compromised if this law is NOT enforced! We must continue to protect our heritage, and although Belgium claims they invented “fries” well, that is moot now because we officially patented it first.”

“The government’s responsibility is to guarantee investment and production capacities, even abroad” Dominic de Villepin, France’s Prime Minister said in the statement. “The ownership of the world’s French fry supply is one of the most strategic stakes for France.”

Amidst angry cries of protectionism, France is now poised to finalize the measure, which will be followed by an official announcement today in a simultaneous global press conference. The conference will be broadcast on television and internet television, podcasted, teletexted and faxed. Additionally, a crawl of the conference will appear on-screen on all major news agencies such as CNN, NHK, BBC, etc.

“Taking into account the strategic importance of fries, the enforcement of this law seems to be the most appropriate track, and now that the CPE has nearly come to a close, I can focus fully on fries,” Villepin said after an emergency meeting with George W. Bush last night.

When asked to respond about the new law being imposed by France, the President of the United States answered, “We might have to ban fries in Amurrica.” It was reported that Bill O’Reilly, famous French basher, was present in the press conference audience and was suspiciously quiet. Eye witnesses reported that a badly disguised O’Reilly was seen slowly trying to discretely exit the room, holding a red container filled with fries and accompanied by his lover of 20 years, Brigitte Bardot.

Happy April Fools.

* this number is sadly not a joke. that is the real deficit of France.