Elisabeth from As My World Turns once blogged about the cultural differences between the U.S. and France and invited outside comments to add to her lists of likes and dislikes. I think I’d mentioned that I hated that the personal bubble space in France is WAY TOO SMALL compared to the U.S. and so I often feel like my space is being invaded when standing in line and people are literally just a few inches away. I swear I can sometimes feel their body heat. This is particularly annoying if the invader has b.o.
Another peeve is the staring games. One is the “once over” look when someone gives you a disapproving long glance appraisal from top to bottom, then back to top, THEN a slow blink. I don’t think it’s necessarily disapproving; it just looks like they’re disgusted. (Ok, perhaps they did find me disgusting, I have no idea.) In any case, I don’t really care if they are repulsed but it does get on my nerves when they do that. Anyway, this is something I get mostly in Paris compared to other parts of France. The other staring game is when people are relatively unashamed to stare. I sometimes would watch my French inlaws stare at people.
In the U.S. people will look at you but if there’s eye contact, both parties look away. That is the unspoken rule. In France, if eye contact happens, I’ve found that then it launches a real staring contest. I lose the contest, usually, and feel uncomfortable about the whole thing.
I just got back from the U.S. and I guess I’ve transformed entirely because two things happened while there:
1) I was standing in line at the supermarket Pavillions, and while I was waiting, the person in front of me kept turning around to look at me. Several times. I thought maybe she might have recognized me from somewhere like high school or somewhere. Then I realized that she was doing that because I was standing too close to her. She didn’t like it. OMG, I’m a space invader. (not the fun kind)
At least I don’t have b.o. (Or do I? You know, maybe people with b.o. do not know they have b.o. much like most insane people don’t know they’re insane?)
2) Another waiting in line situation except this time I was in a bank taking advantage of the weak dollar to exchange some euros. The line was long and wound back and forth disney ride style. I spaced out and was just standing, not really thinking about anything in particular when I hear a hostile, “What are you looking at?!!” Back to earth, I see a a belligerent bank client shooting me with angry eyes. Honestly, I had no idea I was staring. I’m like, “What?”
I have that staring disease I hate!
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personal bubble space is a bit too close for my liking here too. what I can’t stand is when someone bumps into to you and acts like you didn’t even exist…
Comment by Kat 11.28.06 @ 8:39 amThe joys of intercultural peeves! 3 [generalization] comments:
1. I often recognize the French abroad because of their stare 
2. When you’re forced to share a confined space with someone in California (elevator, grocery line, etc), they won’t stare at you, but they will often force-start a conversation, making personal comments about your looks, your attire, or their period. I’ve never got used to it.
3. The notion of private space is different in France and in the U.S., so is the notion of “line”. Every single time I get back to LAX, the French pile up at the customs desk, ignoring the yellow lines on the floor, and get inevitably reprimanded by the agents.
i hate that too, kat – but i think i might be doing the same thing nowadays 
i’ll have to be more careful.
omg frog, you’re right! some lady was talking to me out of no where like i was her best friend when i was in a cvs. honestly i was sort of shocked. at the same time, i wonder if i used to talk to strangers like that. i don’t remember. re: the french ways of “lining up” – i like that system if i can do it myself 
i’m so uncivilized now!
This is so funny. I’ve been wanting to address this, especially after I almost had to bust out some rugby moves at the grocery store. The woman behind me was practically in my armpit. To scrape her off, I just kind of bumped her with my bum a little.
Comment by Gumbo girl 12.05.06 @ 4:56 amA good book to understand where these differences all come from is “Cultural misunderstandings” from Raymonde Carroll (80’s)… She has a good theory about private space in both cultures (which are at odds with each other, hence the frustrations): in the US, people who get too close to strangers recreate their personal bubble by talking (the famous “superficial” chit-chat), while in France people recreate it with silence (the famous empty stare)… As a consequence and in parallel (things are not always as simple as that), if you start chatting in France it can easily mean that you are trying to connect more seriously (e.g. flirting!), while in the US people can be much more casual with chance encounters because it’s a way to deal with uneasiness of being around a stranger and nothing more…
A funny (comic-strip) book on the French/US differences is “Les Frenchies” by P. Baudry and L. Nisset (2004)–for a more psychoanalytical perspective on these differences…
love that stuff, love your testimonies!
thanks for those books, julie; they sound great! i will try to look for them.
Comment by ptinfrance 02.27.07 @ 8:27 pmLeave a comment
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