With his approval ratings plunging into seemingly negative numbers, Sarkozy has been under extreme mounting pressure and stress to improve his popularity as was witnessed earlier in his presidential career. He has shocked the world by taking France by the horns (feathers) with his immediate action against immigration. His stance on “work more, earn more” slapped lagging chomeurs and professional “RMIistes” out of their beds. His marriage to a supermodel taller than him caused a stir outside of France. Of course, inside the hexagon, the French did not bat an eye, and wouldn’t do so even if he married a hairless dwarf monkey.

Although no one faults him for his singularity and take-charge attitude, the people of France expected an overall improvement in the quality of French life from Monsieur le president. Instead they got skyrocketing inflation and endless reportages of his love life. The public knows that during the myriad of marriage footage in the media, he was covertly passing unsavory laws – and le peuple is not pleased.

But in an unprecedented move to come clean, Sarkozy has offered complete transparency and divulged his intentions in an impromptu press conference today. He has decided to be open and honest about his plans for the country and has taken a vow of truth to disclose all plans and events to the public as they happen. He also plans to admit his recent “misinformations.” (We call those “lies.”)

He then continued to inform the media and general public of his recent decisions and actions, which are as follows:

1. He admits to having married supermodel, Carla Bruni, because she is a perfect trophy wife. He felt that having a beautiful, tall younger woman as a wife would boost his ratings. He, in actuality, hates Carla with the passion – particularly because she looks better nude than he does, speaks better English than he does, and everyone would rather talk to her and not him at cocktail parties.

2. Since the launching of the euro in France in 2002, the price of food and goods have gone through the roof, so much so, that many people are running out of money. They’ve had to resort to spending their savings. When France’s currency was the franc, even poor people could afford basic needs and still were able to save a little in the bank. Sarkozy realizes this and confesses that he does not care about poor people, so originally he had no intentions of any kind to make changes – but since today, he’s decided to bend a little and although it may sound shocking, he has decided to bring back the Franc. “Forget euros,” he quipped, “that currency is for pauvre cons.”

3. Regarding the Olympics in Beijing this summer, Sarkozy has urged everyone to buy a Reporters without Borders t-shirt and wear them next week, April 7, when the Olympic torch passes through Paris. “You must change the t-shirts a little, however,” he said, “please tear off the sleeves so that we all look like Rambo. Don’t forget to wear a bandana around your head, too”

Poisson d’avril!! April Fools!

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