The French version of Big Brother is actually Small Brother…..seen in Paris today. LOL

Spotted this in a tabac and love the fun unabashed ad. What else can you say about Camel Balls, except that they’re liquid filled…and EXTRA sour!

Are you ready for Lesson 8 in L’anglais sans peine (English Without Pain)? If you missed my Lesson 1 blog post, see it here as well as read about what English Without Pain is.

Here’s lesson 8: I have a surprise for you in my pocket…

Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely hilarious?!

Many of my experiences in France teeter on the insane if not singularly absurd, which is reason enough why I wouldn’t live anywhere else. I’m not sure if these events would happen in any other place than France – perhaps, but I like to imagine that it doesn’t.

The meeting I had last week was one of those strange but entertaining days where what would appear to be a boring hour or two, was instead, filled with some appeal. The actual content of the meeting was not interesting at all, but if not for the office’s medieval armor and weapon collection, which took up a good half of the office, I would’ve zoned out like I’d do in my high school history class. (Not history’s fault, the teacher’s!)

The medieval collection of armour, weapons and war paraphenalia was authentic, the real deal that a medieval soldier supposedly sported as he battled it out with medieval enemies. There’s a mace resting on the shelf of the radiator but I was hoping there’d be a different kind of mace; you know, the club with a spiked ball on a chain! (I know, I’m complaining!) In any case, the display was unexpected, weird and cool, just like my France.

Jacques Chirac: Yo Bruno, what kind of animal is that over there?
Bruno Le Maire: Since when do you say, “yo,” Jacques?
Chirac: It’s always been a part of my vernacular. BTW, you can call me Monsieur Chirac, and don’t change the subject.
Le Maire: Just because I’m the Minister of Agriculture doesn’t mean I know anything about agriculture. I actually hate animals and nature. Didn’t you see me on Canal Plus yesterday? I don’t even know what a turkey sounds like. I just wanted to be Minister and agriculture was the only one available. I took it because I knew les grands surfaces (large supermarket chains) would give me huge bribes to not denounce them because they’re fleecing farmers and French consumers.
Chirac: You sort of suck, Bruno. Of course, bribes are kind of nice.

Click here to see more Dialogues.

A baker in the Vaucluse area of France has discovered the secret ingredient to a successful Galette du Roi: the same ingredient as most popular products: sex. Specifically, the boulanger put feves featuring various Kamasutra positions. Needless to say, the lines at the bakery rival those of Apple’s new product launches. Sales have obviously skyrocketed. How do the galettes taste? Who cares!

L’Entrepain
699 Avenue Vidier Maurice Marguerite
84270 Vedène, France
Telephone: +33 (0)4 90 02 37 24

PHOTO/LE DAUPHINE/Manuel PASCUA

Related: La Galette du roi/King Cake for Epiphany, Galette des rois for Epiphany

How much more adorable and well-made can this animation of French clichés get? Not much.

French people over the age of 45 or so, who’ve tried to study English, will all be able to say “My tailor is rich.” Some might not be able to say much more than that, but by God they can at least say that and that might come in handy…some day! I’ve met many people who’ve proudly recited this line to me. I never know how to respond.

This most absurd and utterly useless phrase is the very first lesson from a book called, L’anglais sans peine (English Without Pain). It’s a book that a lot of French people owned, and I recently found it at my in-laws! My dad in law can’t say too much more than “my tailor is rich.” How many more times will we all laugh when he says that to me? I don’t know.

The book is pure gold in its datedness, silliness and just plain wrongness and it’s something I must share here, albeit in little blog posts.

Here’s the cartoon that goes with lesson Number 1: My Tailor is Rich. From where the author pulled this out of, I can’t say.

More to follow I hope.

I couldn’t resist posting this hilarious video. (Click on the image to watch the video.)

From gawker:

Carla Bruni Asks for a Finger Up Her Butt, in Seven Different Languages

France’s first lady is tres embarrassed that an old, raunchy episode of a talk show called Eurotrash has surfaced online. Now the French government is scrambling to get it yanked from YouTube. Here’s what they don’t want you to see.

Apparently the French government fought to remove a longer version of this video—in which Carla showcases a pair of “hot international sex guides” that teach international tramps how to say phrases like “Do you like my titties?” and “Put your finger in my bottom” in seven European languages—from YouTube. Eurotrash hosts Antoine de Caunes and designer Jean-Paul Gaultier (in the hot pink sailor suit, obviously) ooh and aah at the multilingual promiscuity of “Italy’s most elegant export.”

The yanked version apparently showed Carla discussing celebrity affairs with Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton. The Daily Mail reports Carla is “shocked and dismayed” at the video’s “sudden reappearance.”

Who can blame the car rental company, Sixt, for poking fun at Sarkozy’s height? In this German ad, it says, “Do like Ms. Bruni. Get a small French (one).”

From the telegraph:

Nicolas Sarkozy has been caught on film telling a man “don’t get cheeky with me” after spotting him wiping his hands on his clothes after shaking hands. Mr Sarkozy looked visibly rattled as the man in his 20s made the highly provacative slur, filmed and broadcast by French TV channel TF1. The French president stepped back and jabbed his finger at the culprit, repeating three times “Fais pas le malin, toi” – meaning “don’t get cheeky with me”. The presidential loss of cool comes a year after Mr Sarkozy told a man at an agricultural fair to…

Read the full article and watch the video.

The following massacred French recipe was committed by the folks at that omnipresent family cafeteria/restaurant in France, Flunch, not me this time around.

We strolled by a Flunch yesterday and saw this huge sign for a new offering: The American Galette. While you’d think it would resemble a French sandwich américain, with its nonsensical bratwurst, grilled veggies and fries inside a baguette – surprisingly, La (chouette/nice)  galette américaine sort of makes sense (in a Frenchy way) sporting basically a burger and its fixings inside a galette (a savory crepe usually made with buckwheat flour). Is it any good? I dunno but I think it needs fries inside!

A new trend in fashion in France? For those of you who’d like to adopt this style, I certainly hope the weather warms up.

If an ad could be cute while being punny even when advertising ointment for hemorrhoids, this is it.

Ikea has moved into four Parisian subway stations for two weeks only. Cute idea, but will they have to burn the furniture later? Oh, maybe they’ll go in the “As is” sale section! [via]

Here’s Marion Cotillard introducing a new, revolutionary product to help women in the work place. Click on the image to watch the video.

From the telegraph:

Now the stereotype has been confirmed – by a French poll that completed the character assassination by labelling the capital’s inhabitants “snobbish” and “self-regarding”.

“We find them to be hard working and cultivated,” the political magazine Marianne said of Parisians in an editorial published alongside the survey.

“But we consider them to be above all way too arrogant, aggressive, flirtatious, stressed, chauvinistic, snobbish, and self-regarding than other French people.

More than 70 per cent of those questioned thought Parisians were more snobbish than other French people, while more than 65 per cent thought them more aggressive and arrogant. However, many of the French questioned did not think any of these characteristics were particularly negative, with 68…

Read full article

Here’s the context from which this dialogue was taken: Dominique de Villepin en visite à la ferme (article in French).

Click here to see more “Dialogues entre…”!

What, you’re only welcome if you speak English? AND you’re a biker? Seen in Mesvres, France (Burgundy).

From the telegraph:

The film, “La France change, ma région doit changer” (France is changing, my region should change) shows an eco-friendly house with solar panels on the roof, smiling schoolchildren and a mother hugging a little girl in a sunny garden.

A voice-over boasts about Mr Sarkozy’s achievements since 2007, and the benefits of living in France.

But the French TV channel Canal+ has discovered most of the footage was bought from Getty Images, and shot thousands of miles away in the US.

The family house used in the video is in Escondido, California – and UMP party bosses even failed to spot that a car parked outside it has US number plates. The class of happy schoolchildren from a mix of ethnic backgrounds live in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. And the mother with her child in the garden is really in..

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Following Sarkozy’s horribly embarrassing nepotistic naming of his 23 year-old son to the powerful political post inside EPAD, the reactions are numerous. Many college students are requesting to be adopted by Nicolas Sarkozy so they’ll have a better chance at “finding” a good job; people are outraged, defenders are insisting little Sarkozy got elected! Whatever. WHY do you think he was elected? A few words: HIS DAD’S URGING. Duh,people.

Anyway, this one’s my fave. It’s a hilarious spot advertising a fake iPhone app called, “L’application Jean Sarkozy pour L’iPhone.” You don’t need to speak French to understand what that’s all about.

Here’s a silly fun ad from the U.S. explaining why things are better when they’re French. Soooo….. I haven’t seen French maids like that in the seven years I’ve lived in France – NOT saying they don’t exist but anyway…

via (Thanks, LA Frog!)

HEE. Doesn’t everyone already KNOW he’s short? Anyway.

From the telegraph:

Twenty short people were ordered to stand behind French President Nicolas Sarkozy to make him look taller while delivering a televised speech.

They were bused in after being “vetted” by aides of the French President who made sure none were more than his own height of 5ft 5ins.

The extraordinary scene unfolded at the Faurecia motor technology plant in Caligny, south of Caen, in Normandy, last Thursday.

Despite Mr Sarkozy’s lack of inches, he looked far more statuesque than usual as he posed in front of the group of white-coated technicians on a specially erected stage.

In a broadcast on French television on Monday, a woman researcher admitted on camera that she had been chosen because of her small size.

Asked by the TV journalist Jean-Philippe Schaller if it was necessary for her to be no taller than the President’s 5ft 5ins – a height which rises to around 5ft 7ins thanks to his stacked heels – she replied: “There you have it.”

Pictures were then shown of the 20 workers on board a coach which brought them in from other parts of the three-mile-square Faurecia site.

All admitted that they were among the smallest members of the 1,400-strong Faurecia workforce, and had been selected to replace the usual workers in the unit where Mr Sarkozy made his speech about the car industry.

Mr Sarkozy, who is notoriously…

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This one’s a fun one. Click on the image to take you to the video.

^{Click on image to view video}
The following clip might make some of you cringe, particularly those of you who bank in a large French city, and no matter what you do, can’t seem to contact your own banker. Ever. Since I’m not one of those people anymore (Our bank is in a small town where I have easy access to our banker. Yes, that IS possible.), this spot is sort of hilarious – but I’ve been there so know that I feel for you if this scenario is more of a reality in your life. The good news is that if you hang in there (the spot is sort of long), it offers a solution!!! NOTE: In French.

Comment trouver une bonne nounou / How to find a good nanny. Click on the image to watch the video.

Just in case you were wondering, cursing and crying about PMS, at least now you know where it’s from. (We saw this just outside of Besançon, Burgundy.)

Not that you need another reason to love Paris, but I thought this would be an important addition to the list. Track athlete, Romain Mesnil, for some reason, decided to run naked in the streets of Paris with his … pole. Honestly, we don’t mind. If he needs some publicity, he should have it. Watch the video.

From the telegraph:

Mr Sarkozy, a man often ridiculed in France for preferring fitness to literature, has frequently expressed his disdain for “La Princesse de Cleves” (The Princess of Cleves), a novel by Madame de La Fayette which was published in 1678 and is taught in most French classrooms.

Now, French readers have adopted the book as a symbol of dissent: as Mr Sarkozy’s popularity falls, sales of the book are rising. At the Paris book fair this week, publishers reported selling all available copies of the novel, while badges emblazoned with the slogan “I am reading La Princesse de Cleves” were a must-have item that sold out within hours.

Mr Sarkozy’s views on the novel are hardly new. As far back as 2006, before he became president, he made a comment that left no doubt that his school memories of it were not happy ones.

“A sadist or an idiot, up to you, included questions about ‘La Princesse de Cleves’ in an exam for people applying for public sector jobs,” he said, adding that it would be “a spectacle” to see low-level staff speak on the challenging work.

Since then, Mr Sarkozy has repeatedly criticised the tale of duty versus love at the 16th century court of Henri II, suggesting that knowledge of it was not useful.

Over time, his attacks have bolstered the book’s popularity, and even given it a new role as a symbol of dissent at a time when public anger over Sarkozy’s economic policies is high.

Public readings of the work have proliferated at universities like the Sorbonne in Paris, hit by protests over government reform plans, and at theatres.

The cultural weekly Telerama this week published results of a survey asking 100 French writers to list their 10 favourite books. “La Princesse de Cleves” came third in the overall rankings, after masterpieces by Marcel Proust and James Joyce.

Telerama commented that it was unlikely Madame de La Fayette would have done so well before Sarkozy’s jibes.

From stereogum:

“Turns out there’s still hope of getting paychecks in indie rock, just be cool with getting low-balled by French heads of state. The Wesleyan boys are seeking damages for President Sarkozy using “Kids” as his campaign soundtrack and in two web videos without just compensation. The administration did pay 53 euros to license the track, but MGMT’s lawyer claims that isn’t enough to cover the additional internet usage. Sarkozy’s counter offer: a sizable 1 (i.e. one) euro. Le you-got-served, MGMT. Actually, Sarkozy got served. With a lawsuit. Because that is statutory rape of his artist-fee obligations. (I’m a civil law expert, don’t worry about it.) Worth noting: The French government is in the midst of pushing through extensive anti-piracy and file-sharing legislation (i.e. vague irony). Sorry Sarkozy, MGMT are a very sexy duo who have international counsel for real. And all this after MGMT taught Paris the meaning of Thanksgiving. More at BBC.”

From the telegraph:

“Anybody entering the word “Eu” in a search engine is likely to get a number of results, but most will be a reference to the past participle of the French verb avoir (to have), not to the pretty market town in Normandy.

The search also brings up pages related to the European Union.

Accordingly, the small town, which boasts a number of attractions, including an impressive château and gardens, is being bypassed.

Marie-Françoise Gaouyer, the local mayor, now has two options – to pay internet giants like Yahoo and Google thousands to put the town at the top of all “Eu” searches, or change the town’s name.

“The second option appears the most sensible,” said Mrs Gaouyer, adding: “As far as the internet is concerned, we have to bring ourselves up to date.” Mrs Gaouyer’s favoured option is Ville d’Eu (Town of Eu), with other possibilities including Eu-le-Château and Eu-en-Normandie.

The mayor, who believes tourism revenues are down by as much as a third because of the town’s current name, now wants all of the alternatives put to the local population of some 8000 in a referendum.

There is likely to be opposition from traditionalists in Eu, who point to a proud history which has seen visitors to the town include Joan of Arc and William the Conqueror.

If a name change is agreed, it will take some five years to become legal, following a Parliamentary Act and government approval.” [link]

From reuters:

” A hapless thief drilled his way into a French bank at the weekend, but missed the safe and instead found himself in a lavatory where he was promptly arrested, a French newspaper reported Sunday.

Alarms were triggered when he broke through the wall and police caught the man when they arrived on the scene.”

From smh.com.au:

“Frenchman Lluis Colet broke the world record for the longest speech after rambling nonstop for 124 hours about Spanish painter Salvador Dali, Catalan culture and other topics.

Colet had set the record once before in 2004 when he spoke for 48 straight hours.” [source]

Should I just be happy with the fact that this isn’t pink PQ (papier cul / toilet paper) that we usually see stocked along the aisles in French supermarkets? Sorry, no. Some marketing executive okayed the copy on this toilet paper packaging, and I have issues with it, namely, that it’s called “Just 1″ because “1 piece is enough.” (ok, literally: 1 can suffice.)

This is baffling. Yea, it’s super epais (super thick) and all but still. On what planet does one square of toilet paper suffice??

tags: france, french, toilet paper, 1 isn’t enough

We seem to be running into strange product names lately, and these licorice candies are no exceptions. As an English speaker, an edible product called, “Rotella” just does not inspire consumer confidence, even though I do really like black licorice candy. In French, I don’t think it works either but what do I know. All being said, I would still rather eat these Rotellas, (rotten sounding and all) than this licorice stick.

Related: Buttella, French Lesson Fail, Restaurant Name Fail, Marriott Champs Elysees Fail

tags: france, french, licorice

From time.com:

“In addition to their more admirable accomplishments, the French are generally considered the world champions of public protesting. Whether it’s transport workers striking against tightened pension regimes, fishermen outraged by high operating costs, students battling education reform or even lawyers picketing over court closures, it seems scarcely a week goes by without some section of France’s population taking to the streets. Given that, it should come as little surprise that one boisterous French group is planning a protest rally on the evening of Dec. 31 — and demanding that the world refuse to shed 2008 to make way for a troublesome-looking New Year.

“We’re saying no to the tyranny of time, no to the merciless onslaught of the calendar, and yes to staying put in 2008,” says a man who identifies himself as Marie-Gabriel, a militant member of the Fonacon group, which is organizing its fourth annual anti–New Year protest under the slogan “2009 Stays In Its Shell.” “Last year we warned a mocking world that 2008 would be horrible compared to 2007, and we were right. This time everyone acknowledges 2009 will be terrible, so now is the moment to unite together and refuse this new, rotten year!”

As seriously bleak as 2009 is expected to be, a call to mount barricades and bar the New Year’s arrival sounds like a gag even in strike-happy France. That’s because Fonacon’s protest is decidedly…” continue reading

tags: france, french, new year

Some people choose Nutella, others, like my in-laws, prefer to spread Buttella on their tartines / toast. Appetizing!

tags: france, french, nuttella, buttella

Thought you’d enjoy this bit of French zizi (penis) trivia:

From bild.de:

“Sacre bleu – it’s not only their baguettes that are the longest! French men have the lengthiest and thickest penises in the EU, according to a new study.

And their traditional British rivals across the English Channel will be spluttering into their tea to discover that their pride and joy comes in 23rd place at 13.32cm (5.2 inches) long and 11.32cm (4.5 inches) around – only ahead of Ireland and Greece!” [source]

Related: 205 ways to say penis in French

tags: france, french, longest penises, europe

From iht:

“Misshapen fruit and vegetables won a reprieve on Wednesday from the European Union as it scrapped rules banning overly curved, extra knobbly or oddly shaped produce from supermarket shelves.

For 10 other types of fruit and vegetables, including apples, citrus, peaches, pears, strawberries and tomatoes, shape standards will …”

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tags: europe, france, vegetables, misshaped, eat your veggies

My mum-in-law knows I like pistachio nuts and so she got me this bag…of fruits secs. In this case, “fruits secs” means pistachios. Got that? Good. French lesson: over. Oh wait. In French Fruits secs means DRIED FRUIT.

Where is the French Fail Blog when you need it?

Related: Restaurant Name Fail!

tags: france, french, fruits secs, pistachios nuts, fail

Two Montreal based comedians with radio station, CKOI 96.9 FM Montreal, totally got a very gullible and giddy, giggling Sarah Palin. A MUST listen. I like how the French describe it, “piégée” (trapped / pranked her) with plain silliness that she basically ignored or didn’t hear. It’s hard to tell.

It is hilarious. Highlights: Marc-Antoine Audette disguised as Sarko tells Palin, “Carla wrote a song about you called, ‘le rouge a levres sur un cochon‘ (lipstick on a pig)” … but tells her it means “Joe the Plumber.” He also mentions that he saw the documentary on her life called, “Hustler’s Nailin’ Pailin” and she says, “Good! Thank you!”

(And people want her to be VP and perhaps P one day? Help us!)

The media is reporting that she took the prank lightly-heartedly but you can hear her away from the phone blurt, “For Christ’s sake, it’s a prank!” She doesn’t sound too thrilled about it to me. Anyway, this was an excellent prank. Chapeau bas , CKOI Montreal.

Listen to the prank

[via]

tags: french, prank palin, ckoi montreal, Marc-Antoine Audette, sarah palin

Remember the book, Comment Chier dans le bois (How to Shit in the Woods)? How could you forget? Was camping not your cup of tea? That’s ok because now you can read Comment chier au bureau (How to take a sh*t at work). A quirky, humorous lesson book written anonymously by two office workers. Ok, written by “Mats and Enzo,” which sounds like the names of their dogs or cats. This silly book is 144 pages filled with tips, strategies and rules to respect in the bathroom at work, which can help, in fact, advance employees’ careers!

Comment chier au bureau will be available at amazon.fr on November 10.

tags: france, french, comment chier au bureau, Mats et Enzo

The 25 year old oldie but goodie, “Thriller” by Michael Jackson, doesn’t seem to age much in la belle France, much like the art of “playback” (lip syncing or lip dubbing). Remember the happy fired AOL employees from last year? (I loved that one.)

This year, and just in time for Halloween, 140 university tech students (near Rouen) created their version of Thriller, which in itself is very difficult if not impossible for many French people to pronounce. Luckily, it’s dubbed! Like the AOL employee vid, it’s done in one long shot throughout the whole song. Fun Halloween stuff, I say.

Click here to see the video.

tags: france, french, thriller, halloween in france

[via]

Update: According AFP, this item is a best seller at amazon.fr. heee!

From reuters:

“French President Nicolas Sarkozy has threatened to sue a publishing company unless it withdraws a Sarkozy doll that comes with a “voodoo manual” instructing readers to plant pins in it, his lawyer said.

The doll is emblazoned with some of Sarkozy’s most famous quotes such as “Get lost you pathetic arsehole” — his words to a bystander who refused to shake his hand at a farm show last year. Readers are encouraged to plant pins in the quotes.

“Nicolas Sarkozy has instructed me to remind you that, whatever his status and fame, he has exclusive and absolute rights over his own image,” lawyer Thierry Herzog wrote to publishers K&B in a letter published by newspaper Le Monde.

Confirming details to Reuters, Herzog said Sarkozy would sue the publishing firm if it didn’t respond and pull the product. K&B has issued 20,000 copies of the manual and doll.

The company has also issued a Segolene Royal doll representing Sarkozy’s rival in last year’s presidential election. Her lawyer said she was also considering legal action.

Voodoo is a religion rooted in West Africa that is practiced in parts of the Caribbean, especially Haiti, and parts of the southern United States.

According to a widespread belief, voodoo worshippers can plant pins in dolls representing their enemies to curse them from afar.

However, voodoo experts say the practice has been widely misunderstood and misrepresented by outsiders.”

tags: france, french, sarkozy, voodoo doll

Thought these were funny. Find them here.

tags: french, paris, i heart paris, condoms, souvenirs

From bbc:

“Football matches in France will be called off immediately if spectators jeer during the French national anthem, says the country’s sports minister.

France’s national anthem was booed in Tuesday’s friendly win over Tunisia.

“Any match at which our national anthem is whistled at will be immediately stopped,” said Roselyne Bachelot.

French Prime Minister Francois Fillon said the booing was “insulting” and that in the event of a repeat it would be necessary “to call off matches”.

“It’s insulting for France, it’s insulting for the players of the French team, it should not be tolerated,” he added.

“I think we should stop the matches when the anthems, whichever they are, are booed.”

Two goals from Thierry Henry gave France coach Raymond Domenech a much needed boost in cementing a 3-1 win in Paris.

But the booing and whistling by some in the crowd – many of them Tunisian – as the French anthem was played infuriated France’s political establishment.

President Nicolas Sarkozy has demanded an investigation into the matter.

President Sarkozy’s aides said he had summoned French Football Federation president Jean-Pierre Escalettes following the “scandalous incidents which occurred at the Stade de France”.

Bachelot added: “Government members will immediately leave the arena where our national anthem has been whistled.

“When whistling of our national anthem happens, all friendly games with the country concerned will be suspended for a period yet to be determined by the federation president.”

Sports Minister Bernard Laporte has suggested that France no longer play friendlies against Maghreb region countries.

There have been similar problems in recent years in matches against Algeria and Morocco.

Friendlies against North African sides traditionally attract widespread support from sizeable immigrant communities in and around the French capital.

Some booed when the names of the French players were read out over the PA system before kickoff, reaching a crescendo for Hatem Ben Arfa, born in France to Tunisian parents.

Arfa opted to play for the country of his birth despite overtures from the Tunisian Federation.

“I’m not really angry with them,” said Ben Arfa. “It’s a bit of a shame but it’s not a major problem. They need to exist, you have to understand them.”

tags: france, french, football, boo, french anthem

This restaurant’s name probably doesn’t bug other people as much as it bugs me – but what on earth are people thinking in Nimes??? The restaurant is called, “Le Sake,” you know, “sake” being the alcoholic beverage made of fermented rice from JAPAN!? YET. The restaurant specializes in Vietnamese and Chinese cuisine. That’s like calling a place Sombrero and selling underpants there.

You know what I mean.

I don’t care if the restaurant is good or not – I’m boycotting!

tags: france, french, sake, nimes, badly named restaurants, fail

Today is French singer, France Gall‘s birthday, born on October 9, 1947. Happy Birthday, France! In celebration, here’s a fun video of her first single, which was also her first hit called, Ne sois pas si bête (Don’t be so stupid). It was recorded in 1963, when Ms. Gall was 16 years old. The old video is fun and cute.

Watch the video (youtube)

Links: France Gall on wikipedia

tags: france, gall, Ne sois pas si bête

From seriouseats:

“If you live Paris and want to get in on some Presidential election-inspired foods, head to the Hotel Concord La Fayette in Paris for Obama and McCain burgers. Chef Laurent Belijar modeled Obama’s “O-Burger” after Obama’s birth state of Hawaii by making a curried patty topped with pineapple carpaccio and a mix of coriander-flavored shrimp. McCain’s “Elephant Burger” is southwest-themed, made of a tomato-flavored patty mixed with grilled lamb and guacamole and served with tomato salsa and nachos.

These burgers are available until November 4 at the La Fayette Bar and cost €22 each.” (almost $31 for a burger)

tags: france, french, Obama and McCain Burgers, hamburgers, paris

My book arrived in the mail today! A French expressions dictionary is perfect for my lack of attention span these days. Just open up a random page and learn something quickly. And voilà, quoi.

Some of the first items we fell upon were unknown to my sweetie, so there’s a good chance that many expressions in this book will not be that practical because even French people aren’t familiar with them. However, there are definitely some silly ones, good for a laugh. Here’s one I thought was fun, and like many French expressions, involves food.

avoir le persil qui dépasse du cabas – to have parsley overflowing from a basket (or grocery bag) – means that your pubic hair is exposed (because your bathing suit is too small or you haven’t shaved depending on your perspective). Example: Je ne peux pas aller à la piscine, j’ai le persil qui dépasse du cabas ! (I can’t go to the pool because my pubic hair is showing! (or because I haven’t shaved!))

tags: france, french, french expressions, parsley, pubic hair

Tired of the constant criticism aimed at the wines from the Languedoc-Roussillon region, specifically that the wines were “crap,” an independent vintner responded with a revolutionary and rebellious idea and created, “Le vin de merde” (Shit wine). The wine label will be hard to miss if you ever see it on a shelf because there’s a big fat fly on it as if it were sitting on a pile of poo. Brilliant and funny publicity stunt. The wine, however, is supposedly not crappy at all. Would make a fun dinner party gift.

tags: france, wine, le vin de merde, great publicity stunt, shit wine

[via Canal+]

Before the weather gets too chilly, I thought I’d mention the village of Cap d’Agde, where being butt naked is obligatory. If interested, you’ll still have time to enjoy the sun à poil (in your birthday suit).

The village of Cap d’Agde, also called, “The Naked City,” is a seaside port and resort along the Mediterranean not far from the cities of Carcassone, Nimes and Montpellier. (in the Hérault department, in the région of Languedoc-Roussillon). It is supposedly the world’s largest naturist village. “Naturism,” which many people call nudism, is legal so it isn’t uncommon to see families walking around naked in supermarkets, shops, banks, restaurants, hotels, hairdressers, camp sites, etc. The beach in Cap d’Agde, which extends across 3 kilometers of beach, enforces a “nudity mandatory” policy, which means you MUST be nude there. I’m not sure what happens if you have any clothes on. Do the police rip them off of you? Are you arrested for wearing a sock? What happens in the COLD winter?

So anyway, this is a place where you can literally let it all hang out, perfect for an even tan with no bathing suit lines. Definitely not for everybody, and for the most part, it’s really no big deal – But don’t be led to think it’s entirely a wholesome place to vacation with the kids. Cap d’Agde is a lot of things.

While it IS perfectly okay to vacation here with kids, the place fulfills a whole spectrum of expectations, primarily regarding sexual satisfaction. For example, during the day families and kids are at the beach to have fun in the sun, but at the same time, others may be scouting the territory to find potential sexual partners for the evening or couples will be looking for other couples to switch partners with. Say, you’re invited to a party one night in the village. It would very a rare occasion if that party didn’t involve gratuitous non-committal sex with multiple partners. In other words, it has some innocence but on the other hand, anything goes. So with all the swingers clubs scattered amidst the family shops and restaurants, and the people, voyeurs and all (yes there are naked voyeurs here), it all seems pretty relaxed. For some reason these two incongruous communities: happy family fun and the old school naturists, and the sex motivated swingers with pierced genitals, work harmoniously side by side.

tags: france, travel, nude beaches, cap d’agde, naturism france, naked city

The life of animals according to man. Funny French vignettes here. (You don’t need to know how to speak French to understand these.)

[via]

tags: france, La vie des animaux selon les hommes, comedy, skits, french

While I’m doing my best to eliminate junk food from my diet, my sweetie, on the other hand, remains true to some “non-foods” that nobody should be consuming. He was eating this so-called ice cream sandwich thing at my parents-in-laws and we joked about the kooky name, “Nacho.” I dunno, but that alone would make me not want to eat it unless it was crunchy, salty, melting with cheesy goodness and bursting with jalapeño peppers. Well, I guess it’s sort of shaped like a taco, which is remotely related. I don’t think there was any actual cream in this “ice cream,” and I’m almost positive it isn’t from France. Was this a bi-lingual dictionary disaster?

tags: france, nacho ice cream, junk food, snacks, calling something it isn’t

A couple of days ago Apple yanked one of the listed iPhone apps from the iTunes store. The app with a $1000 price tag (actually $999.99), brilliant in my opinion and funny to boot, displays an image of a glowing red ruby that would always remind you (and others when you show it to them) that you are rich enough to afford it. That’s all it does. I’m serious.

The kooky thing is: EIGHT people bought it! Really. So the German developer, Armin Heinrich worked for approximately one hour to churn out this app and voila, he made over 5,000 bucks. ($8,000 minus Apple’s commission) And according to the LAtimes, the buyers were 6 Americans, 1 German and 1 French person. (or someone living in France). Did they think they were getting an actual ruby? Or do you think they just wanted it and could kick around a thousand bucks just like that? Did they show it to other people? Are they proud of it?

tags: france, i am rich, iphone applications, ruby, insane

I think there might be more visitors to Vimy from now on…

From afp:

“A French couple were given a four-month suspended sentence and made to pay one euro in damages to the Canadian state for making a porn video at a World War I memorial, officials said Wednesday.

The site draws around half a million visitors each year.”

tags: france travel vimy wwi memorial sex video one euro fine

For non-French speakers, it can be a challenge, if not completely impossible to correctly pronounce some names of French wines. Here’s another one that is not very easy to pronounce but if you could, you might not want to pronounce it. I found this excellent wall paper covered with wine labels in a brasserie in Beaune (Burgundy). One particular wine label stuck out, called, “Montre Cul,” which means “show your ass.” Burgundy vintners are silly and fun, apparently. The great thing about this wine is that if you’re looking for it in a store and the salesperson comes to help you, you don’t necessarily have to try to pronounce it. Just mimmick exactly what the woman on the label is doing…. THAT should work.

That isn’t too much to ask, is it? I mean, try acting out this label.

tags: france travel montre cul fun wine labels

According to the independent, there’s an escargot shortage that is threatening French life as we know it. OH NON! Most of the snails people eat in France are from Eastern Europe. Gasp! Oui oui. It’s true. But now the snail harvesting profession there is frowned upon. NOT very glamorous. How will they supply this year’s snail chow down?? Hohum.

People should come to the forest near our house. There are GOBS of snails after a rain.

Anyway, here’s the article:

“A slow-motion crisis threatens the French way of life – the great snail shortage of 2008. Shell-shocked French food processors have warned that they can no longer obtain sufficient quantities of snails from eastern Europe, their principal source of supply.

What is the attraction of eating snails? Is the taste not just in the sauce? “If you eat the processed snails, yes,” she said. “Wild snails, they are quite different. Ah, the taste of a wild snail. That is very special and delicate.”" [source]

Related: Escargot Posts

tags: france escargots snails shortage

Nature et Decouverte, a French equivalent of The Nature Company, sure knows how to get your attention. While we were waiting at the cash register, we laughed at this book, displayed right at the entrance of the store. The book is called, Comment chier dans les bois, which means, “How to Shit in the Woods.” Yeah, we were tempted to get it but realized we already know how to do so.

Actually, it’s a book pour une approche environnementale d’un art perdu. that takes an environmental approach to a lost art.

Makes me wonder about how many are sold based on shock value.

tags: france books comment chier dans les bois green

The French, according to an international survey.

From time:

“Remember the tightwad tourist whose baggy shorts, frequent complaining and shouted questions about why none of the locals spoke any English made the ugly American the world’s Visitor From Hell? Well, it’s time for Archie Bunker to move over and make way for Petulant Pierre. According to a recent international survey, the French are now considered the most obnoxious tourists from European nations, and behind only Indians and the last-place Chinese as the worst among all countries worldwide. And it’s not only the rest of the world that have a gripe with the Gallic attitude: the French also finished second to last among nations ranking the popularity of their own tourists who vacation at home….” Read the rest

I’ll be in Paris next week for a chocolate fix and other things so I was trying to find the exact address of Jean-Paul Hévin’s place. I serendipitously stumbled upon these new chocolate abs on his website.

It turns out, since May of this year, you can get Les Tablettes de chocolat (abs of steel, 6 pack abs) without having to work out! Isn’t that excellent news?

In France, the equivalent of the phrase, “abs of steel” is, “les tablettes de chocolat” (chocolate bars). So, chocolatier Jean-Paul Hévin, an MOF in Paris, has taken the concept one step further and has re-invented the les tablettes de chocolat, called “Abdominal bars,” which actually sounds more dietetic, if you think about it. What a sneaky trick. Far, Far, and light years away from being dietetic, these Jean-Paul Hévin chocolate bars seem like the best alternative to going to the gym for some abs. Of course, they aren’t THOSE abs we’re really thinking about.

There are three different kinds of abdominal bars: Pecs, Muscle and Fitness Bars. 

Pecs Bars
75% cocoa
Origin : Venezuela
Bean type : Criollo, Trinitario
Nose : powerful, manly
Taste : spicy touches of coffee and dry fruit, floral touches, slight acidity due to the bean fermentation.
Distinctive feature : intense aroma and surprisingly long taste, cocoa finesse.

2,20 € per 40 g bar

Muscle Bars
75% cocoa
Origin : Madagascar
Bean type : Criollo, Forastero
Nose : powerful, intense
Taste : acidity typical of Madagascar, touches of red and yellow berries.
Distinctive feature : intense freshness due to cocoa acidity.

2,20 € per 40 g bar

Fitness Bars
65% cocoa
Origin : Blend of central America and Africa
Bean type : Trinitario, Forastero
Nose : black chocolate, spicy
Taste : spicy, marked chocolate taste
Distinctive feature : sugar-free, suitable for diabetes patients

2,20 € per 40 g bar

Jean-Paul Hévin Chocolatier
23 bis, avenue de la Motte-Picquet
75007 Paris – FRANCE
Website

tags: france travel jean paul hevin chocolate in paris les tablettes de chocolate MOF abdominal bars

We spent a gorgeous day with our niece, meandering around the village of Le Touquet Paris-Plage, a small beachtown in northern France. It didn’t occur to me until after we saw this restaurant with extra EXTRA large hamburgers, that today is the 4th of July. Happy 4th of July! We would’ve commemorated my birth country’s independence here at Jean’s Cafe, which is a restaurant à la americaine (and à l’anglaise) but we had just finished eating some tasty tapas just up the street. Incidentally, I don’t think I’d want the Hamburger XXL, especially one that costs 17 euros, just a little more than $26. (I might be tempted by the ribs, however.) I don’t think I’d want anything XXL unless it was a French pastry or artisanal chocolate or Italian gelato or a pizza pie from Giordano’s.

We couldn’t resist but ask Jean’s Cafe how XXL the Hamburger XXL was exactly because we all knew that if we had an XXL burger in the U.S., it’d be like a 5 pounder of ground beef, with an extra cheese-like substance, a head of iceberg lettuce, 8 sliced pickles (amusement park-size), a whole sliced onion, waterfalls of ketchup and mustard – all inside a bun the size of seat cushion. You know? Anyway, the XXL is 250 grams of hamburger meat, roughly a half-pound of meat. That’s a LOT for French people but maybe a measly morsel for Americans. Ok, it’s huge, I realize, but I keep thinking about that Simpson’s episode where Homer eats 4.5 pounds of steak… so a half a pound is…you know how the French say… Les doigts dans le nez. (literally, fingers in the nose, which is suppose to mean, “piece of cake”).

tags: france travel le touquet extra extra large hamburgers in france 4th of july

In sync with the new road safety laws in France regarding a vest and triangle to be kept in cars at all times, this amusing ad campaign was launched and features famous designer fashionista, Karl Lagerfeld. Via LA Frog (merci!)

C’est jaune, c’est moche, et ça ne va avec rien, mais ça peut vous sauvez la vie.

Translation:

It’s yellow, it’s ugly, it doesn’t go with anything (else), but it can save your life.

tags: france karl lagerfeld road safety ads

From bbcnews:

“The French president has irritated female members of parliament by sending them what they say is an ill-judged gift to mark France’s EU presidency.

Nicolas Sarkozy’s office sent a sleek black case to all MPs, male and female, including a pale grey tie.

Socialist MP Aurelie Filippetti proclaimed it “yet more proof of male chauvinism in the political class”.

Others took it more lightly, gamely adding the ties to their outfits or even wearing them as headbands.

Junior minister Nadine Morano – one of Mr Sarkozy’s most loyal staffers – defended her boss’s blunder by saying that “even for a woman, wearing a tie can be nice,” the Guardian reports.

Some 18% of deputies in the National Assembly – a total of 107 – are women.

Mr Sarkozy chose many women for cabinet-level posts, including Justice Minister Rachida Dati and Interior Minister Michele Alliot-Marie.

Women also hold the finance, higher education, culture and agriculture ministries and the health, youth and sports portfolio in Mr Sarkozy’s cabinet.”

From aol:

Where is the love, Parisians?

“… Radiohead were left with a row of empty seats at a recent French concert after a ticket giveaway backfired. The eco-friendly group announced 50 passes were available for their show at Paris’ Bercy Arena but fans could only get by cycling to their record label’s offices in the French city.

However, Parisians were not prepared to get on their bikes so 35 tickets went unclaimed. A source said: “Radiohead are using their current world tour to highlight their commitment to green issues. They advise all concertgoers to use public transport and are doing all they can to make their carbon footprint as small as possible. Unfortunately the French didn’t appear to share their noble intentions and roundly ignored the free ticket tactic.”

tags: france radiohead velib lazy environment unfriendly parisians

French company Louis Vuitton is up to its old misguided antics getting all litigious on guitarist, Dave Navarro (Jane’s Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Panic Channel). They’ve got their knickers in a twist over the fact that Navarro has been using a LV strap for his guitar. Um. I’d call that free advertising for LV! But nooooo. Louis Vuitton legal cronies sent the guitarist an ugly threatening letter expressing, “We have no doubt that this copying has been willful and is intended to trade upon the fame and cachet of the LV Trademarks to elevate the status of the infringing Guitar Strap, and of Jane’s Addiction.” Basically, they’re going to sue his ass if he doesn’t cease and desist his LV guitar strap use. Pffff.

Read about it on Dave Navarro’s blog, 6767

Related: Louis Vuitton is Suing a Darfur Fundraiser,
Getting Caught with Designer Rip-offs (Fakes) in France and Italy, iPod Cases from M. Louis Vuitton, Kawaii Contrefaçon

tags: france louis vuitton guitar strap dave navarro

[via]

Him: Look what I got at the market for you.

Me: What is it, sweetie?

Him: These jams. I knew you’d want to make fun of them blog about them.

Me: You’re the best. OMG. Gratte-cul (Ass Scratch) jam?! Vieux Garcon (Old Boy) jam?!

Him: (all giggly) You like them, don’t you???

Me: These are priceless. I love them. THANK YOU.

Me: Don’t you think they could’ve come up with a better name than Gratte-cul (Ass Scratch) jam?! and Vieux Garcon (Old Boy) jam?! Even calling something like Booger Jam seems better. The French are so funny.

Note: I’m not too crazy about how Gratte-cul tastes. Psychosomatic? I haven’t yet tried Vieux Garcon yet.

tags: france jams gratte cul vieux garcon ass scratch jam old boy jam franco-american+conversations confiture

^{I am aware of the air beneath me.}

In the U.S. when Jean-Claude Van Damme comes to mind, people will likely know who he is but it would invoke a high level of indifference. Most consider him a hasbeen, action-martial arts-actor who can do the splits. For the last 10 years or so, he’s made only direct-to-DVD movies, that even Jean-Claude Van Damme himself has called, “rotten.” He’s made back-to-back film stinkers but has still managed to make a name for himself. Maybe it was due to his flexibility, pecs and abs, and those famous “splits”? I wonder if he can still do those… Anyway. Because of the string of lackluster films and for his “wooden” acting (and no, I’m not talking about THAT video), he basically goes almost unnoticed. “Almost” because most people still recognize him. Remember the episode of him playing himself in Friends where he boasts he can crush a walnut with his butt cheeks?

That certain Friends episode just cracks open the surface of how the French perceive Jean-Claude.

In France, people see Jean-Claude Van Damme (who is Belgian, by the way) very, very differently compared to the U.S. He is a bit of a cult hero, not necessarily for his high kicks in cheesy B movies, but rather for his aphorisms that are inadvertently funny. He is hilarious and the French LOVE to make fun of him and the way he expresses himself in “franglais” – and they will NEVER, ever, let him forget anything he’s ever said that made them laugh. This is not to say they do it in a derisive manner, because while they do, in fact, mock him, they do it lightly and in a positive way, and despite the mockery, they find him unique and lovable.

Why? It’s sort of like this: JC says things that are like a cross between Yogi Berra’s quotes (“Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded” or “Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical”) and “deep thoughts” from Jack Handy (“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”).

Since French TV is a lot about talk shows, you will find that you have a chance to see celebs up close and personal on all kinds of levels, and not just hear someone trying to plug their latest movie. That might be why JC isn’t seen the same way in the U.S. He simply hasn’t gotten enough on-air talk time to express his true self on English-speaking TV! I’m sure he’d say funny things in English, given the opportunity.

The most famous quote (that every French or French-speaking person is aware of) involves the theme of observation (insight), and JC talks about being aware using the word “aware” instead of the correct word in French (conscient), which throws the French into uncontrollable fits of laughter every time. I remember hearing another one from him where he says, “one plus one equals two but it could equal 11″ or something along those lines, and another where he remarks that if air was removed from the sky, birds would fall and so would planes.

He’s likable. He’s silly. Tout simplement. Just much sillier when he’s speaking French.

Knowing all of this about him now makes me appreciate him so much more and I am dying to see his new film called, JCVD, which is playing in theaters in France. It’s him playing himself but the movie is a fictional comedy. The teaser and trailer are hilarious, (The subtitles on the teaser are not that good, however.) and I think the movie is going to be great.

So. There you have it: why the French love JCVD so much. Well, they can’t continue the love for Jerry Lewis forever, can they? Maybe it’s time for someone new.

tags: france jean claude van damme jcvd aware

Alrightee then. French tax payers will pick up the tab for people wanting to learn how to line dance in France. GA!

From timesonline:

“The French administration has moved to create an official country dancing diploma as part of a drive to regulate the fad. Authorised instructors who have been on publicly funded training courses will be put in charge of line dancing lessons and balls.

The rules, which come into force next year, come after the rapid spread of country and western in France, where an estimated 100,000 people line dance several times a week. Jean Chauveau, the chairman of the country section of the French Dance Federation, said: “It’s growing at a crazy rate. There are thousands of clubs and more are springing up all the time.”

He said the French shunned the square dancing that is popular among country and western fans in the United States because it involved physical contact. “They don’t want to take anyone by the hand or anything like that,” he said. But they were passionate about line dancing, where participants follow the steps without touching anyone else. “I think this corresponds to the individualism of our times,” Mr Chauveau said….

Mr Chauveau said the trend illustrated France’s “complicated and ambiguous” relationship with the United States. “We love American magic and the American dream,” he said. “But we hate Americans when we confront the hard reality of their behaviour throughout the world. We go for the cowboy hats but not George Bush.”

In a peculiarly Gallic approach to the phenomenon, French civil servants say line dancing should be submitted to the same rules as sports such as football and rugby. This means imposing training courses for line dancing teachers and a state-approved diploma for anyone who wants to give lessons or run clubs.

Amateur instructors will have to take 200 hours of training under the new rules. Professionals will get 600 hours, including such subjects as line dancing techniques, “the mechanics of the human body” and the English (or at least Texan) language. They will also learn how to teach line dancing to the elderly.

The cost of the courses, about €2,000 (£1,570) for the professionals and €500 for the amateurs, will be largely met by taxpayers. Mr Chauveau said the regulations highlighted the French state’s obsessive desire to organise all public activity. “France is the only country in Europe apart from Greece where sport is controlled through the state,” he said. “Line dancing is now ….”
Read the whole article

tags: france line dancing french the french have gone insane

[via]

More Chinese haters of France. In this case, it’s a taxi driver that is refusing Frenchmen and dogs. What about French women? French children? Are they turning away French poodles? Bichon Frisés? The noyve.

I don’t think France cares too much if she’s hated but don’t you wonder why China is picking on France specifically – when there have been boycotts all along the world path of the Olympic torch? What about England? What about the U.S.? Japan? They tried to trample the Olympic torch, too.

And, and, and, what did dogs do to deserve that? Can’t we all just get along?

Apparemment non.